Loneliness Posts

Ever wonder why our institutions excel at blaming the individual instead of fixing the problem? I’ve spent a long time studying this, and I’ve codified it into what I call The Narcissistic Systems Model.When a macro-system fails u…

Do you every feel like you’re surrounded by people who make you despair at humanity? Or, that somehow, despite an obviously increasing number of shitheads, people treat you strangely when you call them out?That feeling, of having an almost t…

Welcome to part 2 of our series on how to spot a narcissistic system – this time via it’s patterns of tactics. From gaslighting, blame-shifting, triangulation and all the other famous mind games, to their less well-known cousins, like mo…

Welcome dear reader. This is the first post in a 3 part series on how to recognize a narcissistic system—be that a workplace, an institution, a family, or even a social circle.Why talk about narcissistic systems on a blog on loneliness?Bec…

WEAPONIZED POSITIVITYHave you ever had a so-called friend... FIRE you?Have you ever been abandoned because your grief was 'too heavy' for their 'capacity'? Or because your collection of Grindcore CDs was deemed an indication of your “bad r…

Do you ever wonder why it seems so hard to connect? Do you repeatedly make the effort, only to be ignored, brushed off, or treated like the very act of wanting connection makes you strange?Why is this so common? And so painful?Today, w…

Have you ever left a therapy session feeling worse than when you arrived? Have you ever felt like the therapist really wasn’t getting what was going on for you, or had somehow made you the whole problem?When that happens, it hurts. You …

What if your therapist is using the same tactics as a narcissistic parent — and calling it treatment? What if therapy is teaching you to keep your hands burning on a hot plate, and alter your reaction to the fact that you are burning?Today, …

What do Joe Dispenza, Jordan Peterson, and music pedants have in common? Do they all secretly suffer from irritable bowel syndrome? Have they all been implicated in the extinction of a rare species of wombat? Sadly no, but you get to try and guess b…

It makes sense that people are curious about Stoicism again. It’s one of the few tools that admits life is crap sometimes. Compared to Western spiritualism, it feels like a more sober, more realistic, way to come to terms with that fact. The p…

Hello again, dear reader. It is good to have you back! This post is the second in a four-part series on narcissistic values in Western capitalist culture. Why would I delve into the topic of narcissism in a podcast on loneliness? The answer is, beca…

Hello, dear reader. Today, I want to talk about one of the most insidious reasons you might feel lonely, isolated — and like you’re not good enough You might not know this, but those feelings are actually a typical outcome of a certain k…

I want to begin with a quote by Emmanuel Levinas — because this post is about being unseen. Or more precisely: it’s about being reduced to something you’re not. When you hear it, remember, for me, YOU are that other. For you, I am.…

Today, I want to really drill down into what MIGHT be the solution to loneliness—connection—and make clear how the values we hold as a society make that connection so damn difficult. My hope is that, in understanding that, the real solut…

What if everything you were taught about your emotions was a lie?What if pain wasn’t a problem to be fixed?What if feeling deeply wasn’t a weakness — but a form of truth the world desperately needs?For decades, we’ve been sol…

Control – as both an aspiration, obligation and contributor to lonelinessIn this post, we’re unpacking more core values embedded in Western capitalism, as part of the wider project of exposing what lies behind our loneliness. To remind…

Let me dive right into the guts of the loneliness pandemic. We are not lonely by accident. There is a whole system of values that culminate in our isolation, at least, in western capitalist culture. These values are not just isolated ideas, either. …